Oh wow...this might be the longest break I've ever taken from Xanga. I can't believe it's been almost three months since I last posted.
Life is good. Just VERY busy. At the beginning of the year I got a major promotion at work which also involved going from supervising no one but myself to supervising 5 other people. (Eek!) It's good, though. I'm learning a lot. I'm more stressed than I was before, but I'm also challenged and out of my comfort zone, which I think is generally a good place to be.
This month I'm also traveling a bunch. Atlanta this week, Dallas next week, Raleigh the week after that and then 4 days in Maine with Brandon. It's interesting and exciting, but I'm also very thankful that its not the norm. I like seeing my husband...sleeping in my own bed...hanging out with my dog...
On a different note, I recently discovered Ancestry.com. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend their 14-day trial. I spent some time there this weekend and tracked my family back to 1570 in England. Kinda wild. I also discovered that my family has been in Maine since at least 1680- that's when the first generation was born there (that I could find). It's such a small thing, but I was so proud of it. I mean, I've always enjoyed being a Mainer, but now I know I'm really, really a Mainer. That somehow seems like a cool distinction.
The other interesting thing I found is that my great grandfather on my father's side was born in Indianapolis. I had never been to Indiana until I met Brandon and now that I live here it's neat to find that I have roots here, too. Makes it feel a little more like home.
This week has finally gotten warm after what has seemed like a very long and cold winter. Brandon and I went for a jog yesterday and today through our neighborhood. It was lovely. I love our neighborhood. Maybe someday we'll outgrow it, but right now I can't think of anywhere I'd rather live- at least not in Indiana. If we were to move out of state that's another story, but I'm content now.
Funny, for the three months I've been gone, that's about all I've got. That can make a person feel pretty uninteresting. I'll just have to catch up on the rest of you now...
Tuesday, 08 December 2009
I fought the cold, but the cold won :( On the upside, it at least waited for the weekend to put me out of commission, which is great because things are especially crazy at work right now.
Well, I'm disappointed, to say the least, about the response (or lack of) to my last post. Is nobody out there reading anymore? Or are people reading and just don't care...or reading and disagree? Agree? I don't mean to sound needy, but Xanga is where I can still connect with my Teen Mania peeps...I guess I was hoping for some kind of dialogue from people who share my faith...
Oh, BTW, I thought of another question I'm hoping someone can answer... Why do we believe that the Bible is the infallable word of God? There's that verse in Timothy where Paul says that scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, but when Paul wrote that, the "scripture" he would have been referring to was the Tanakh - the Hebrew bible...or what we now know as the Old Testament. When Paul wrote that, his own letters weren't part of scripture as they are now...the gospels weren't even written yet. Those were written after Paul. So the New Testament was decided on by the Church in the process of canonization - and how did they decide? Is there anything besides our Church tradition that tells us that the Bible in it's current form is God's infallable word? Just wondering...It would be interesting to understand why we believe what we believe.
Friday, 04 December 2009
It's me vs. The Cold this week. I'm not sure who's winning yet, but I'm using all my best moves - sleep, Zinc, Vitamin C, my netti pot. It won't get me without a fight at least.
So, more about some of the things I've been considering lately... the Bible is the inspired word of God, no doubt...but what does "inspired" mean? Fundamentalists believe that the Bible is God's direct words through man. Period. No room for error. I know I'm going to raise some hackles by saying this, but I think it's crazy to discount the fallenness of man when it comes to interpreting God. We're so imperfect...doesn't it stand to reason that some things could have been misinterpreted due to cultural influences, lack of scientific progress, or even the personal biases of the author? For example, epileptic fits used to be thought to be a possession of evil spirits. If the Bible talks about someone being possessed by spirits, am I to take that literally, or am I allowed to consider that the person may have been suffering from some unknown physical ailment? That's just one teeny example, but the philosophy has some pretty incredible implications.
But it leads me back to this: God's one appearance in the history of mankind where he literally communicated face-to-face with us to express his will was in the person of Jesus Christ. God in the flesh. So if Jesus, who was God, said something that seemingly contradicts the nature of God as depicted in the Old Testament, how do we reconcile that? Does God have split personalities? Did the Old Testament authors misinterpret God's will? Was Jesus not God?
The latter is certainly not the case. Jesus was God, so that leaves the other two options. An really interesting example of this is that Jesus advocated non-violence, but the Old Testament is filled with violence, purportedly initiated by God. How do we reconcile that?
And about the non-violence, I've always thought that Jesus' interpretation of non-violence was to lay down and take whatever we're dealt. Remember the "turn the other cheek" exhortation? Read this. Seriously. Read it. Jesus wasn't advocating his followers being a doormat. Quite the opposite, he was talking about an assertive defiance of domination...providing the oppressed with a way to be treated as equals and retain their dignity. So interesting...and so revolutionary.
Anyway...like I said, my head is full and I have so many questions- but in a good way. At the bottom of it, I believe, is the understanding that God is so much more than I can fathom. I like that.
Saturday, 28 November 2009
Oh Xanga...Xanga, I miss you sometimes. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'd like to share but...I don't know...writing never comes out right. Funny to say, considering my tagline.
So, I have a new favorite band right now (ok, not favorite - that will always be Waterdeep, but I do like this new one a lot). They're called The Civil Wars and I think their single "Poison and Wine" is one of the most accurate and beautiful ways of describing a fight between two people in love. Check it out:
The hives went away. No idea what caused them, but I read online that 90% of the time people never know why they get them. That's fine. As long as they never, ever, ever come back.
Oh, I'm craving friends lately. Not just people to do fun things with, but people to talk to. I've been having what I guess I could describe as a crisis of faith for years now, but lately things have begun to crystallize and I feel like my heart is waking up after a long, long sleep...I just wish Brandon and I had people we could talk to about it. Like, people nearby, who would sit in our living room with a beer and work through things.
The hardest part about this is that I just can't bring myself to go to church- at least not a church in the traditional sense. I'm craving fellowship, but it almost hurts to use that word because I'm so exhausted by "Christianese". I read something by Deitrich Bonehoeffer recently and he said that Christians made him uncomfortable when they talked about God...and I completely understood. I'm just so tired of so many things and I'm craving authenticity. Humility. Jesus...like, the Jesus who told us to serve the poor and love - really, really love...in a way that I can't completely comprehend. But the hard part is that I feel like I can't even understand it in the context of the traditional church community (not that no one can - I'm just struggling with it)...so where is fellowship for someone like me? I need to question things. I need to converse and give and mostly, most importantly, not have things be about ME. (And yes, I do recognize how ridiculous that sentence sounded...) I'm tired and invigorated all at once.
I think my fundamental question is, "What does love look like?". Jesus said to love God and our neighbor...and I guess if I can do that I'm doing everything right, but what does that mean? And all these things that I used to think of as black and white I'm finding are more shades of gray. Many, many shades of gray.
So, like i said, I'm finding I'm not as good in writing as I thought...and besides, I need some real, live people again like in the Teen Mania days...except then I don't think I had the capacity to appreciate what I had. But it does feel good to come back to Xanga sometimes and throw my thoughts out into the void and hope something resonates with someone somewhere. Thinking of that makes me feel a little less alone.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Has anyone ever dealt with hives before? I've had them for nearly 5 days now, head to toe - even on a double dose of Zyrtec, Prednisone and Benedryl. The doctor said hives are caused by something internal, so it can't be a new lotion or fabric softener (nothing has changed anyway) and I'm not eating anything new.
I'm going a little crazy. Anyone ever had these and found something that works to get rid of them?
